


a sure thing

by aanathemaa



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, Post-Break Up, Pre-Relationship, hop on my emotional rollercoaster i dare youuuu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24016978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanathemaa/pseuds/aanathemaa
Summary: TK was having such a hard time registering what Carlos said that when he processed the whole thing, Carlos was already by the bar’s entrance. He turned around and gave TK a pleading look, “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/Original Character, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Marjan Marwani & TK Strand
Comments: 10
Kudos: 159





	a sure thing

TK did not leave Texas, he didn't even leave his job, but he did leave Carlos with a sizeable emotional baggage, to say the least. Carlos remembers shurgging, a forced smile on his face, it is what it is, but he couldn't deny the way his stomach had dropped at the words. Now he had a gut wrenching feeling every time he had to see TK, which was more often than he’d like considering that two months later he still felt like all he wanted to do was hold TK close and make him stay. 

He could have sticked around and be grateful for being something, anything, more than a friend to TK, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the idea of being an option or a late night call and nothing more. He couldn't force TK to give him more than he could but there had to be some space between them until Carlos learned how to breathe around him without his mind screaming _want want want_. 

And then he met Aiden, a friend of a friend, who casually flirted with him over a drink at a cop party. Aiden was fun and easy going, someone to distract Carlos from drowning in his thoughts and feelings. There weren't any sparks, just something casual, but he needed it and it was nice not having to chase someone who might never truly want him back. Carlos was too tired for that.

* * *

“So you think a night out will make him feel better?” Jud asked, some doubt in his tone, but Marjan just rolled her eyes.

“He's clearly in a bad mood these days so we have to try something.”

"So is this like an intervention?” Mateo said, as confused as ever. 

“Kinda, I guess,” Marjan shrugged, “but we need to play it cool.”

“Play what cool?” TK walked in, one earbud out, and Marjan almost shrieked, turning around to face him. She immediately schooled her features, she was good at that. 

“Nothing. Just telling newbie to stop getting so excited when someone asks him to save a cat from a tree. It’s not actually part of our job.” she scoffed, knowing Mateo was glaring at her. 

At that, TK chuckled. He loved their antics, it was what made these few past weeks bearable.

"Alright, I'm gonna go change."

* * *

TK wasn’t sure why he agreed to this night out in the first place. He really wasn’t in the mood to party but he always had trouble saying no to Marjan so here he was, loud music and people yelling for more shots. It wasn't exactly what he needed right now but everyone looked genuinely excited so he didn't want to rain on their parade. He knew they were kinda worried about him so he tried to assure them that everything was just fine. 

TK always felt weird coming here after Carlos though. This was the place of their first date, or something, even if back then he was too self absorbed to take a second and appreciate the fact that Carlos was actually giving him the time of day. And night. And so much more.

Say what you will, but TK is ashamed of just how badly Alex fucked him up. He was so ready to spend the rest of his life with a man who cheated on him for three months, and he spent so many more nights wondering what he did, what he didn’t do, why wasn’t he enough. It was the perfect set up for a life crisis and TK ended up questioning everything about himself. It was only later that he realized he was so caught up in his insecurity and fucking trust issues that he played with a man who actually had a lot of love and respect for him, so much more than TK ever had for himself.

And TK loved him, God, he did, but he supposes he didn’t love himself enough to let Carlos love him. Now it was too late, and TK felt like he had no right to still think about Carlos when he deserved so much better. Their breakup always felt like doing Carlos a favor because of the shitshow TK felt like he was. 

“Hey,” Mateo interrupted his thoughts, “isn’t that Carlos?” he asked, obliviously waving towards the man.

TK turned around slowly, his heart pounding faster at the sound of Carlos' name, and saw him walk in the bar, holding some guy’s hand. He was smiling at the man like he smiled for TK so many times and suddenly TK felt like he was having a hard time breathing. When Carlos met his gaze and nodded, he couldn't do anything but turn around to stare at his half empty glass, feeling his hands shake, and wishing he could disappear right then and there. 

“TK? What's up?” Marjan questioned, the only one who seemed to pay attention to him rather than the man that Carlos brought with him. TK looked up and tried for a smile, clicking his glass to Marjan's before downing the rest of his virgin mojito. 

"The sky, Marjan. Do you even know anything?" he set the glass down and laughed at his own stupid joke. Marjan rolled her eyes. 

"You're an idiot." she smiled and was about to ruffle his hair before he moved out of the way. 

"Nah, nah, nah, girl. It looks crazy enough as it is."

And then he turned around for a moment, barely a second, because apparently there was no way for him to ignore this itch. He didn't see much other than Carlos laughing, his hand on the other man's back as they stood so close it almost made TK want to throw up, but he saw enough to make him realize that he couldn't deal with this, not even for Marjan's sake.

“I’ll be right back.” he breathed out and rushed through the crowd to go outside. 

_What the fuck were you expecting TK?_

His head was spinning and _fuck_ , he didn't need a panic attack right now.

He knew. He fucking knew he didn’t have the right to care or to question or to feel his stomach so tight that it made him dizzy. It wasn't his business anymore and yet here he was, close to having a breakdown over seeing Carlos with another man.

_You had your chance TK. What? Did you think he was going to wait forever for you?_

“Seriously now TK, what’s up? What happened?” 

And of course Marjan would follow him, of course she’d read him immediately. They had grown so close recently, but he didn't want her to know just how much of a pathetic failure he was.

“It’s nothing, I just needed some air. I think I’m tired from the shift.”

“You know you don’t have to do that whole bullshit thing with me, right? I mean you don’t have to do it with any of us but especially with me.” she stated firmly, stepping closer to him, and TK knew she could see how miserable he was, standing outside of this bar with tears in his eyes, “It’s Carlos, isn’t it? What-”

“I made a mistake, Marjan. A fucking big one.” TK said because he felt like bursting, his voice cracking. Marjan wasted no time then, running to hug him close, even if she had to stand on her toes to do so.

“Whatever it is, TK, we can fix it.” she reasoned, feeling his body shake slightly with every sob. 

“He was in love with me and I fucked it all up. I don’t know what he saw in me but he must have seen something because he tried his best but I kept playing him like a fool and now he’s gone. Now he has someone, probably way better than me.” Marjan hugged him tighter when she heard the panic in his voice, muffled only by her hijab. 

“And I know I should be happy for him because God knows he deserves someone so much better but truth is I’m an asshole and I want him back even though I’m the one who left him,” he sobbed, “I’ve been thinking about him non stop for the past month and I can’t seem to get him out of my head no matter how hard I try.”

“TK,” Marjan suddenly let go of him and looked him in the eye, her hands on his wet cheeks, “Yes, it’s possible that you’ve fucked up, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it. Talk to Carlos, see if-”

“I don't think he wants me around him Marjan.”

“Talk to him, tell him what you feel," she insisted, "and if he doesn’t feel the same for you anymore, which I doubt, then we’ll see what we do after that, but I’m here for you if you let me." she promised, and there were tears in her eyes as well, "I’ll make sure you’re as okay as you can be if things go-”

“You guys okay?” Carlos’ voice snapped them right out of their moment. TK barely registered it at first but as soon as he saw the man, he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He looked a mess and felt a mess and Carlos didn’t need to see that. 

Marjan coughed and stepped back, sniffling “Uh, I,” she looked between them, “need to go to a place that is not here.”

And with that she was gone and TK felt like he couldn’t handle Carlos' attention right now. Carlos watched Marjan go, his eyebrows up in confusion, but he slowly turned to face TK. 

“So, are you? Okay, I mean.” he asked again and it was so genuine that TK felt like punching something because of course Carlos would be a sweetheart despite the circumstances. 

“I need to say something and I’ll sound like a complete asshole but I’ve never been anything more than that so why start now.” he chuckled bitterly. 

“TK..” Carlos trailed off, frowning, and he sounded so concerned. To hear his name coming from those lips again did things to TK’s insides. 

“I fucked up, okay? I fucked up big time and I’m so sorry you had to go through that because of who I am as a person, but I’ve been thinking about you non stop for the past month and I think I’m in love with you and it’s driving me crazy because I know you just came here to have some fun with your new-, your boyfriend and that you don’t deserve to see me in full breakdown mode after what I’ve done but I just wanted you to know.” he said, running out of air. 

Carlos looked a bit frieghtened at first, unsure of what was happening, but then the frown returned to his features. 

“You can’t say that to me right here right now-”

“I know, I know, I shouldn’t have said anything, I just- Marjan-,” TK gestured towards the bar but what could he really say in his defense? He ran his hands over his face, agitated, and didn't know what to do with himself. There were all these feelings and he felt like a volcano that's erupting.

“You can’t say that to me when you know full well what that means to me." Carlos repeated, almost pleading, "I’m on a date, TK, and you saying these things to me... it messes with my head.”

“I-” he breathed in, “Carlos I don’t want to mess with your relationship, you’re probably with someone ten times better than I could ever be, I just wanted you to know that I was stupid and I know that now and I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through. You didn't deserve any of that.” he explained, defeated.

Carlos looked at him for the longest time and TK felt light-headed, _fear_ and _love_ and _want_ making his heart pound so fast. 

“Fuck,” Carlos cursed frustrated, and TK grimaced because he rarely ever cursed. “I’ll come by your place later and we can talk, but not now TK. It’s not fair.”

TK was having such a hard time registering what Carlos said that when he processed the whole thing, Carlos was already by the bar’s entrance. He turned around and gave TK a pleading look, “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” 

And all TK could do was nod.

* * *

_You still want to talk? I’m out front._

TK didn’t even bother replying, rushing to put on a hoodie and grabbing the first pair of shoes he could find, which happened to be a pair of fluffy panda slippers, before practically running out of the house. It felt like the universe wanted him to look like a mess whenever he was meeting Carlos. 

And then when he finally saw him, leather jacket on, leaning on the hood of his car, the whole picture kinda made him dizzy, warmth spreading all over. There was fear too, but he allowed himself to forget about it for a moment. 

With slower steps, he shortened the distance between them.

“You came,” he said, a little out of breath, and didn't expect to sound so vulnerable.

“I said I would.” Carlos shurgged.

“Look, Carlos, I’m really, really-” 

“Did you mean everything you said earlier?” Carlos interrupted, searching TK's eyes for something.

“Yes.” he answered without hesitation and he could feel his hands shake with anticipation.

“Everything?”

“Yes, everything.”

“So you told me all of that but you don’t actually want to be with me, you just wanted me to know you're sorry?" Carlos asked, and it made sense. He wanted to know where they stood.

“No, Carlos, I-," TK stuttered, anxious, "you’re in a relationship. Can we- I don’t know.” 

Did he want to be with Carlos? _Fuck yes_. Was he a coward, terrified of what the future might bring? Absolutely. And it made him feel like a fool in front of Carlos.

“Just answer the question. Do you want to be with me?”

“I want to be with you but I’m fucking scared.” TK suddenly snapped, harsh but silent, and then regretted it immediately. He hugged his arms, looking away. _Man the fuck up, TK._

“You have to know what you want, TK.” Carlos told him and TK knew he was trying to be patient. 

“I'm just so scared that I'll fuck this up in some other way." he confessed, his voice small and quiet, "I can't handle actually having you in my life, so close, and then losing you after I mess something up again. It'll be ten times worse and I don't think I could take it." 

“How could you fuck it up?” Carlos asked and he looked genuinely confused, if a bit frustrated.

“I don’t know, I always find a way, it’s who I am, you know that.”

“Jesus, TK," Carlos almost snapped too, and closed his eyes for a moment, "Can you stop saying shit like that? It's not true and it really bothers me that you see yourself like that." He sighed. 

"The only way you could fuck this up is by not being honest with yourself and with me. I'm not saying it will be easy because relationships are work but you can trust me and we can do this if you want to. You can talk to me about anything, TK." Carlos promised, putting everything out there for TK. TK was silent for a minute, mostly trying hard not to cry again.

"What about your relationship?" he finally asked, feeling uneasy just thinking about it.

"It wasn't really serious for either of us. He was having fun and I was trying to get over the fact that I'm still so very much in love with you.” he confessed, wearing his heart on his sleeve like he always did. TK was always so amazed about that.

"You broke up with him and you didn't even know if I was a sure thing." 

"I guess that's testament enough of how how much I love you and how much I want this," Carlos said, jaw tight, and TK could practically feel it, a wave of electricity rushing through his whole body at the words, leaving him weak in the knees. He knew that even now Carlos was trying his best to get TK to open up. "but I can't play games anymore, Tyler. I need to know that you can commit to this, to us. I can't do the whole _he loves me, he loves me not_ thing all over again."

"I know, I know." TK almost cut him off. "Look, I didn't fall in love with you yesterday, or a week ago. I probably started having feelings for you when you cooked for me at two in the morning even though you were probably as tired from your shift as I was. It made me realize that you wanted more than I was ready to offer you and I was so angry because I didn't want to be invested in what we were doing so I kept you at arm's length." he sighed, hoping Carlos would understand.

"I remember sitting at that table with you and thinking of how my last relationship ended and how fucked up it made me feel. And you were so handsome and so sweet and all I could do was snap because of how afraid I was. I've spent so much time trying to ignore my feelings for you, and then trying to live with them, that along the way I lost you." TK couldn't hold his tears by this point. Carlos bit the inside of his cheek as a distraction from the burning in his eyes.

"I was an asshole, I'm sorry, and I'll probably still have my moments," TK breathed in, "but I really want to be with you now. I want to kiss you and wake up to you and I want to be brave for you." 

"Fuck, TK," Carlos choked out before crushing him in a hug, kissing his brow when TK wrapped his arms around him. TK closed his eyes and in that moment everything felt _right, right, right_. 

**Author's Note:**

> "Nice slippers." Carlos said eventually, smiling against TK's cheek.
> 
> "Shut up!" TK whined.
> 
> ===========================================  
> First of all, Giant by Calvin Harris & Rag'n'Bone Man is officially TK's recovery song with Carlos. Second of all, I know I am trash at writing but bear with me. I need an outlet for my emotions so here it is.
> 
> Comments are love. <3 Hope you enjoyed! :)


End file.
